I think since I have been home I have cried more then I have in my life and felt more uncertain of the future. Ever since I gave up my life for Christ to go where God called me, my life has never been the same.
Being a Christian is not an easy road, but a road I would run down million times.
Lately...
I have been unable to get a job since I got back from Ethiopia. Uncertain why. Weird.
Wondering where I belong here.
Bill are piling up.
Lonely
I miss having friends.
Praying God brings friends into my life that we could change the world with.
Dreaming of Africa everyday.
Wondering who my husband is.
Made new friends in Pennsylvania. Who have helped me through a lot of tears. I hope I can visit them soon.
Enjoying spending time with my family everyday and watching my nieces and nephews grow up.
Learned this past month that I truly don't understand the LOVE Christ has for ME. Crazy since I teach and tell so many how much God loves them, right. I believe that it comes from my childhood, being rejected from my father, abuse I have dealt with as a child. Always feeling a burden and disappointment etc I never realized this, but this is how I though Christ thought of me. Its so hard because I wish I could feels Gods tangible love.
Praying for a revelation and wounds to be reveled, so I can begin to heal and become a better me. Needing all the prayer and help I can get.
One thing I have been doing is listening to music and repeat words over and over to myself telling myself this is how God feels about me.
One song (it actually on my playlist) "Make you feel my love. " The Adele version, of course! Its a perfect title for my situation. I had originally put it on my playlist because it was the last song I heard in the van on my way to the airport and sitting next to Birhane, who was shedding so many tears. I remember thinking I hope that Birhane knows how much I love him and how hard I tried to show a Gods love to him and all the street kids. I really think the song is meant for me. All the ways Jesus try's to show us how much he loves us. Here are the lyrics...
Being a Christian is not an easy road, but a road I would run down million times.
Lately...
I have been unable to get a job since I got back from Ethiopia. Uncertain why. Weird.
Wondering where I belong here.
Bill are piling up.
Lonely
I miss having friends.
Praying God brings friends into my life that we could change the world with.
Dreaming of Africa everyday.
Wondering who my husband is.
Made new friends in Pennsylvania. Who have helped me through a lot of tears. I hope I can visit them soon.
Enjoying spending time with my family everyday and watching my nieces and nephews grow up.
Learned this past month that I truly don't understand the LOVE Christ has for ME. Crazy since I teach and tell so many how much God loves them, right. I believe that it comes from my childhood, being rejected from my father, abuse I have dealt with as a child. Always feeling a burden and disappointment etc I never realized this, but this is how I though Christ thought of me. Its so hard because I wish I could feels Gods tangible love.
Praying for a revelation and wounds to be reveled, so I can begin to heal and become a better me. Needing all the prayer and help I can get.
One thing I have been doing is listening to music and repeat words over and over to myself telling myself this is how God feels about me.
One song (it actually on my playlist) "Make you feel my love. " The Adele version, of course! Its a perfect title for my situation. I had originally put it on my playlist because it was the last song I heard in the van on my way to the airport and sitting next to Birhane, who was shedding so many tears. I remember thinking I hope that Birhane knows how much I love him and how hard I tried to show a Gods love to him and all the street kids. I really think the song is meant for me. All the ways Jesus try's to show us how much he loves us. Here are the lyrics...
"Make You Feel My Love"
When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love
Perfect!! Just soak these words in from this song!
God wants our love!
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